Elvis Presley. . . American IconProfessor Jon Schaff over at SDP must be as old as my grandfather would be if he were still alive today. (That would 94 years old.)  How else can you explain this post:

On To More Important Matters  I stumbled across this very interesting website comparing the careers of Bing Crosby and Elvis Presley.  By almost any measure, Crosby was by far a more successful entertainer than Presley.  And made better music, too.  [South Dakota Politics] [Jon Schaff]

"By almost any measure?"  "Better music?"

No friggin' way.

Bing Crosby--Even he looks bored with himself.Bing Crosby was a talented crooner who faked a genial, easy going facade singing songs that are now forgotten, with the possible exception of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas."  His movie turns with Bob Hope were equally forgettable.  Tell me, can you name any of his movies or roles?  At least Elvis had fun with buxom babes in his stupid movies.

Further, who ever wanted to be Der Bingel?  No one.  Women didn't desire him.  Men didn't want to be him.  Sure they might want his money and success, BUT THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE HIM.

While I am not a big Elvis Presley fan, I do recognize his genius.  He basically made rock and roll respectable.  He figured out how to breach the gap between black blues and soul and popular music.  When he first hit the scene, he was a rebel.  He changed both music and culture.  Tell me there is a better TV music special than his Elvis Presley's '68 Comeback Special?  There isn't.  It is pure, raw emotion and talent.  He paces the stage like a leopard in his black leather.

Women desired him.  Men wanted to be him.  Elvis defined the 50s and early 60s.  Heck, we even had a governor who tried to channel Elvis here in South Dakota.
Bill Janklow. "Paging Elvis Presley. . . Paging Elvis Presley. . . " 

Bing?  He defined boredom.  Maybe Pat Sajack channels him.  No one else.

Tell me, Jon, is there a cult of Bing?  No.  Is there a cult of Elvis?  Damn straight.  Elvis still sells a lot of records.  He is still a dream, an icon of American possibility and achievement.  Figured a Rightie like you would appreciate that.  Also figured you'd like it that he was buddies with Nixon, who let him be an honorary DEA agent to fight drugs.  (Have to admit, Elvis had a great sense of humor as well to pull that off.)
Tricky Dick and Elvis--How cool is that?

Sure, Elvis got big and fat and died while emptying his bowels, but he defined youth, vigor, and freedom in his prime.  Forget the fat Elvis. Remember the skinny Elvis with the swinging pelvis.

Bing defined safety, comfort, and taking no chances.  Bing--status quo.  Elvis--infinite possibilities.

Are there Bing imposters running around Vegas?  No.  Do people want to be married by Bing impersonators?  No.  That's because Bing didn't touch something inside us; Elvis did--and does.  Sometimes it's profound, sometimes it's tacky, but it's always fun.

Also, Elvis played Sioux Falls on July 22, 1977, just before he died.  That is cool and good for at least a few points.  I can't find if Bing ever came to Sioux Falls.  ELVIS CAME TO SIOUX FALLS!  You bet that's cool.

When the popular musical giants of the 20th Century are named, there will be the names of the
Dean Martin--At least he was kind of cool, unlike Der Bingel. Beatles, Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen, George Gershwin--and Elvis Presley--among them.  Not Bing Crosby.  He will be no where on the list.  Nada.  Nothing.  A footnote.  Crosby was Dean Martin without the drunk act, the cigarette, the looks, or the charm.  Dino was a man's man.  Bing looked and acted like a fop. 

B-I-N-G = D-O-R-KProfessor Schaff, I can forgive you being a Republican, a conservative, and even living in Aberdeen.  But not recognizing the brilliance of Presley and the dullness of Crosby?  For shame!  That is almost unforgivable.  I hope you're still not listening to 78s on a wind up Victrola as well.  Do you even have an 8 track player?  I say you should ask Prof. Ken Blanchard to spring for an iPod for you for Christmas.  Heck, even let Sibby select the music that's in it.

Better yet, however, I do believe in the perfectibility of humans, even college professors like you, Jon.  I think you should spend a week hanging out with Rant a Bit's Scott Hudson.  He'll learn you a thing or two about popular music.  Scott, ready to mentor poor Prof. Schaff?  It would be a mission of mercy.  Jon, I'm trying to save your soul, ok?  Or at least not have you act and think like a really old boring guy.  A guy like Bing Crosby.

Viva Elvis!